The Burbank Follower, Vol. 2, No. 18

BURBANK PRIEST DIES
Rev. Larence Signey, of St. Robert Bellarmine Roman Catholic Church, died Saturday after a short, unidentified illness. He was 45. Daily News.

MCCARTNEY EX NOT DANCING FOR DOLLARS
Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Paul McCartney, said Tuesday in Burbank that she is going on "Dancing With The Stars" to raise funds for charity. Aw, how sweet. EarthTimes.

BURBANK TEACHERS CLOSE TO PAY AGREEMENT
Negotiations between the local school district and teachers union tentatively agreed Thursday to a 7.25 percent pay hike for the 2006-07 school year. The agreement still must be ratified by the school board and the union's membership. Daily News.

WHOLE FOODS RE-REDUX
The Burbank City Council is scheduled to decide tonight whether to approve a downsized Whole Food development, less than a month after putting the kibosh on the natural grocer. Leader. Daily News.

Job O' The Day...

From Craigslist.org.

I'm particularly fond of the requirement that "you must be able to transport some fat people too."

****

Human taxi needed

Reply to: gigs-291234252@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-03-09, 12:50PM PST


I need someone who can act as a taxi for a few hours on a Saturday evening in July.

I might have my wedding in place where restrooms are a short walk away but I don't want my guests walking so I'm looking for someone who can get my guests to the bathroom.

We don't want to rent a port-o-potty b/c people will be dressed nice. That means whatever sort of rickshaw you have it must transport people in a clean and comfortable way. You must be able to transport some fat people too.

We would pay about $75 an hour in cash.

It would be in a park but near the road so you won't be transporting people over hills or hiking trails or anything like that.

Please send us an email with any questions you have and a description of what your bike/taxi/mode of transportation would be.

****

Sick

I am feeling, well, sick. Donna caught a nasty cold, complete with dry cough, fever and general nastiness. No fun. She missed work from Monday until Thursday.

And then she gave it to me. I've missed two day now, yesterday and today. I was supposed to review Severance for Losanjealous, but I've postponed that due to the continuing yucks.

I don't believe that I've ever taken two days in a row off from work. Actually, I might have forced myself back to cubical-land but for an odd bureaucratic policy. The city of Los Angeles gives us wage slaves an incredibly generous number of sick days, something like 12 a year. However, if you have more than six or seven incidents of sickness (more on that term in a minute), your supervisors are supposed to look upon you with suspicion, require doctor's notes, etc.

Now, I do understand why the city does this: people have been taking sick days while healthy for as long as there have been sick days. However, the city defines "an incident of sickness" any amount of continuous time off from work. That is, leaving a couple hours early because you're feeling crappy is one incident, so is taking a week off from work to fight off pneumonia.

So, basically, city employees are tacitly encouraged to take more than one day off work. Is this on purpose? Maybe by taking two day off work, instead of one, you're less likely to pass on germs. But I'm guessing it's just a weird unforeseen consequence of a poorly thought-out policy.

So, excuse me, I have to cough up a lung.

The Burbank Follower, Vol. 2, No. 17

GENERAL ELECTION COMETH
The four finalists for the two open Burbank City Council seats vow not to take their primary wins for granted. Gary Bric and Anja Reinke - who are supported by the current City Council - are vying against Philip and Caroline Berlin, a husband and wife team trying, according to the Leader, "to change to status quo." Leader.

Well, hmm. I voted for Bric and Reinke, despite my misgiving about their backing by the "Working Californians" PAC. Bric almost lost my vote, actually, following a Daily News story where he professed ignorance about the group's support. That, my friends, does not pass the smell test. At the very least, Bric (or someone in his campaign) would have received a copy of the flier - most Burbank residents did - bought and paid for by Working Californians.

I also was concerned that no news article has noted that the same independent expenditure supporting Bric also supported Reinke. Working Californians, on its state forms, only claims to be supporting Bric.

So why did I vote for them? Well, because I like what I've heard from them. I particularly like Reinke's Fine Arts Council proposal (I would considering volunteering should that come into existence, actually) and her views on energy efficiency. Bric I don't know as much about, despite my efforts: it seems that cops and firefighters like him, but that doesn't really hold that much weight for me. Great people, cops and firefighters, but their opinion on who should run the city holds as much weight on my vote as other stakeholders: teachers, business owners and my neighbors.

I never seriously considered voting for Prouty as his campaign literature merely seemed to state that he thought Burbank was swell, and he wanted to make it better. Er, how? The rest of 'em didn't seem to have a message of any sort. Heck with 'em, then.

So, why not the Berlins? Well, I have to admit that I didn't want to create a de-facto voting bloc on the Council. Also, some of their campaign literature seemed to have a serious misunderstanding of the state's open meeting law, the Brown Act. On top of that, they seemed to speak about wanting to change things, without presenting any ideas about what they wanted.

So, there ya go. The Berlins still have my vote in play for the general, but they have a bit of an uphill climb. I like Reinke, frankly. I don't know as much about Bric, but I don't believe it would be possible to split one of my remaining votes for Philip or Caroline. Any thoughts? I'd like to hear 'em.

The New Yorker

I opened up my copy of The New Yorker this morning (um, afternoon), and noticed that the famed caption contest has two finalists from the BGP area.

(Yes, I understand no one, yet, claims Burbank-Glendale-Pasadena, exactly. But, hell, we have Westside, Eastside, South Bay.... and North Cennnntrraalll Easssstsiiidee just doesn't have that ring, ya know?)

Anyhow, two of our local denizens, Jonathan Steinhoff, of Burbank, and Charlie Freund, of Glendale, are two of the finalists for the current caption contest. I actually thing Steinhoff's caption is the best, so I'm voting for that one, bravely deflecting accusations of homerism..

So, people, if you couldn't be bothered to vote in the recent City Council elections, mayhaps you could find your way to vote for the New Yorker caption contest. Good on ya.

A Most Amusing Afternoon

Here I work, all broken hearted
I went to sit, and my pants parted

I got sent home from work today. No, not really that bad, but not really that good. My pants, well, they done busted. A pleasant enough morning, filled with the usual coffee, small talk and office nonsense.

And then, riiiiiippp! My blue suit pants, purchased in December 2003, apparently they had enough of my ass (as yogaed out as it may presently be), and went into early retirement. I now am the proud owner of a pair of pants with a hole from the rear pocket to the back of my knees.

"At least you wear underwear," said one of my coworkers. Heh. I GUESS.

They were not exactly my favorite, based on their advanced age, and the fact that they only really look good with my blue suit coat (which now has essentially become worthless as well.)

But, hey, at least I got to go home early. Not such a bad day, really.

I won! Whooo!!

I got second place in the Burbank Library Photo Contest! Whoo! Bow down before my minor bad-assness!

Election Stats - For Yer Viewing Pleasure

CITY COUNCIL ELECTION RESULTS

Primary Winners

Gary Bric - 4,277
Anja Reinke - 3,900
Carolyn Berlin - 3,258
Philip Berlin - 2,946

Primary Losers

Whit Prouty - 2,741
Vahe Hovanessian - 1,194
Margaret Sorthun - 357

A 10,006 ballots were cast, out about 51,053 eligible voters. That's a turnout rate of approximately 19.6 percent. Oi. Modern American democracy.

The Burbank Follower, Vol. 2, No. 16

ELECTION COVERAGE
Not too many surprises here: Gary Bric and Anja Reinke received the most votes in the City Council primary, with Phil and Carolyn Berlin rounding out the top four. Whit Prouty came in fifth, Vahn Hovenessian sixth, and Margaret Sorthun (who apparently did nothing outside of putting her name on the ballot) came in last. Daily News. Leader.

ICH BIN EIN BERLINER
The Daily News does a nice piece on the Berlins and the upcoming general election. Bric, according to the DN, claims he has no knowledge of Working Californians, the independent political action committee that has spent $13,022 in support of his campaign. Sure. I suppose I wouldn't be the least bit curious about a political mailer with my face on it. Daily News.

Found Porn - Picture Head

Vine & Banner Streets, Hollywood.

In Arabia We'd All Be Kings

** Review Also Seen on Losanjealous **

In Arabia We’d All Be Kings
Elephant Theatre
6322 Santa Monica Blvd.
Tickets $20; Friday, Saturday, Sunday 8 p.m. until March 17

The Elephant Theatre sits on the eastern edge of Theater Row, an area bordered by the pompous beauty of West Hollywood and the unreconstructed grit of Hollywood proper. It’s a nasty, dirty part of town, one that gives that peculiar feel of guilt, horror and a strong desire for another $12 cocktail at a too-hip-to-have-a-name bar.

And it’s perfect.

“In Arabia We’d Be Kings” is set in Hell’s Kitchen, a part of Manhattan noted for its honesty in advertising. Or, so it used to be. During the late 1990s, the ‘Kitchen closed, slowly morphing into hipster land, sporting high-end restaurants and no-name bars similar to the ones three blocks north of the Elephant.

The play itself takes place in a bar, and the characters themselves are like moving pieces of the beautifully designed set. They serve as archetypes of the neighborhood that was: the parolee, the whore, the druggie, the old drunk, a sycophantic bartender, opportunistic investors and a teenager with a hair-trigger.

The plot is loose, roughly revolving an imminent sale of the bar and its affect on the characters. Though clearly about gentrification, the play raises questions it does not intend to answer. Does the closing of the bar makes the characters lives better or worse? Is Hell’s Kitchen worth saving?

The plot, such that it is, clearly takes a back seat to the portraits of the characters, presented as a series of well-told vignettes. This is where the play shines. The acting and directing are fluid, the characters vibrant and real. During one particularly poignant part of the play, a woman behind me broke out into loud sobs. I had a lump in my throat myself.